Mother's Day Birthings--Learning to Mother Myself

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By: The Witch Goddess 

Mother's Day Birthings--wow. Welcome to my site, my mind-body-heart space. 

My blog and my site in general will be a space where I share more of my lifework as a love child of the universe wedded to a Black queer lesbian feminist politics:  my writing--academic and personal, as it traverses poetry, feminist issues and scholarship;  knowledge about holistic spiritual wellness and sexuality--; and my spiritual ascension journey and art (what I've been doing on instagram for the past few years).

Today is as a good a day as any to say Happy Birthday to my site, and also welcome in this journey of vulnerability and openness, and deepening opportunities for co-creation and connection, while perhaps sharing some loving encouragement to others on a day like Mother's Day with some refections on “mothering ourselves”—the words of Audre Lorde, and a black lesbian politics taken up by fellow Southern Black lesbian feminist, Alexis Pauline Gumbs, in her work as a writer, educator, and space-holder for Black queer enlightenment and healing.

I am a wounded healer. I am Black. Southern. Queer. Lesbian. Woman. My healing and any inspiration my life and services offer are based on a life journey of healing myself from grief, loss, abandonment, unbelonging, dis/ease--things I became familiarized with at a young age via my environment in the rural South, via my experiences in education systems, via my experiences of having been a black queer youth who was disowned, and via relationships. All of the ways that white supremacist cisheteropatriarchy fractures and shapes the life of a Black queer lesbian woman living physically and socioculturally within the "demonic grounds" and afterlife of slavery in the US. 

While there's so much more I will share about my journey to date, etc., in the spirit of today, I'm moved to reflect on my present and how my journey this past year has meant healing my motherwound and core issues related to the Divine Feminine —issues around motherhood, vulnerability, softness in voice and communication, female/femme/#maternal labor, Clair gifts, connection, and love. It’s been the hardest but most enlightening and love-filled year, and it’s not done yet! I am so grateful.

While dealing with disconnection from my own mother and family, I found so much mirroring, loving connection, mothering, and healing of my mother and sexuality wounds from friends, new family, re-connecting with Mother Earth and elements, from mentors, a life-love partner; and through being a vessel of love, art, leadership, i.e. providing Tarot intuitive therapy to students and clients, and generally through divination and artistic creation. 

I've been living in my body, spirit, black lesbian politics- hence the words of Audre Lorde and fellow healing work of Alexis Pauline Gumbs, “we can learn to mother ourselves.” In her work, Gumbs took up this concept, and highlighted the ways canonical black queer women lived their lives as mothers, and otherwise how their modes of survival offer queer methods of sustaining and creating life-- some of which she exemplifies in continuing to enliven their lives, their words, their methods, and tether a queer feminist communal praxis with her work--a disruption in the status quo of academia. 

As creation, and creators, our relationships to nurturing ourselves, relationships, and our environments can be a self-love and decolonial supplementation for the holes of our mother wounds. And that was my Mother's day epiphany. 

While it could've been easy to wake up and instantly fall into a depressive or grief spell over not being in a good space with my own mother--something I grew up seeing my own mother do at this time of the year due to grieving the loss of her own mother, I realized I spent my day yesterday giving some black queer women students and others some tools to do just that: to mother themselves. And so my tears this morning feel so healing while in reflection.

We can fill the holes of our wounds. We have to. For ourselves. For each other. Through loss, death, grief, and just trying our best not to add to each other’s grief. As continual works in progress. And eternal students of Spirit and the universe. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all of those who’ve cared for me. Held me. With deep affection and love. Including Mother Earth. This photo was taken in Saint George's, Grenada, en route to Carriacou, while embarking on a retreat with Holistic Citi Life that would facilitate much of my mother wound healing, engender connection with some of my star-soul-spiritual family, and give me an affirmation of my spiritual relationship with my ancestors of the demonic grounds, Orishas, and spirit guides--one of whom is Audre Lorde. I look forward to sharing so much more about that experience, my tribe, and other things here on my spirit blog. 

May we honor mothering and care labor through a praxis of Decolonial love and destruction, discernment, and filling in the holes. With gratitude for the lesson of heartbreak. For the heartbreak and the holes are opportunities to be filled with greatest things we desire and imagine.

This poem, Spoken by Alike (Adepero Oduye) and Written by Dee Rees from the movie, Pariah captures my feeling right now:

“Heartbreak opens onto the sunrise

For even breaking is opening

And I am broken

I’m open

Broken to the new light without pushing in

Open to the possibilities within, pushing out

See the love shine in through my cracks?

See the light shine out through me?

I  am broken

I am open

I am broken open

See the love light shining through me

Shining through my cracks

Through the gaps

My spirit takes journey

My spirit takes flight

Could not have risen otherwise

And I am not running

I’m choosing

Running is not a choice from the breaking

Breaking is freeing

Broken is freedom

I am not broken

I’m free.”

 

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These photos were taken by my good sister, Nasra--an award-winning poet, writer, all around artist, and organizer. As I share more about my adventure, I will introduce you to some of these beautiful people a part of my soul family. Cheers~